So I tell them the same thing every single time: That I am not seeing anyone. That I am not interested at the moment. That I love the idea of singlehood.
What I didn't tell them however, is this: I fear many things that may potentially come with relationships. Rejection, abandonment, of not being in control....just to list a few.
In retrospect, perhaps this is why I've pushed many away. From the moment I sense something different - that spark of interest, an onslaught of advances.... I bolt for the nearest door, despite liking them too.
As you may guess, my actions have obviously baffled many, and hurt a few.
*head hung low*
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I know, I'm a complex idiot when it comes to matters of the heart.
How will I go about undoing this so-called "mess"? Good question, because I've yet to figure it out. But since it isn't exactly a "life-or-death" situation (although some might beg to differ), I'll leave it to another time. There certainly are more pressing matters at hand than this....right?
Labels: Random thoughts
