It's been a week since I started clinicals at the Royal Melbourne Hospital (RMH), one of the four teaching hospitals of Melbourne Uni. School of Medicine. To the uninitiated, I am currently in a six-week Neurology/ENT/Ophthalmology block, which so happens to be one of the more gruelling clinical rotations in Semester 8 & 9. (-_-")
Despite the fact that it has been a pretty good start, I've also been getting mixed feelings about my time in clinical school.
Allow me to elaborate a little (albeit in point-form) on why I'm feeling as such.
First off, the good points:
1. The clinical group I've been allocated to are extremely enthusiastic, out-spoken and accomodating. I'm definitely looking forward to be with them for the next 2 1/2 years. =)
2. The hospital staff at RMH are actually FRIENDLY and HELPFUL, contrary to what many people think.
3. Many of the patients here are more than happy to be interviewed and examined by medical students, which is an added bonus.
4. Despite the rumours (about RMH's medical curriculum being the most relaxed of the four schools), there ARE a lot of things one can actually do during free periods at RMH!!!
5. I like the fact that I can "delegate" free time-slots to do/observe many things in RMH, and then being able to read them up a little bit more on what I've seen and heard when I get back home!
Now, on to the really bad bits:
1. Like I've said before, the Neuro/ENT/Opthalmo block's one heck of a tough cookie, with loads to learn and (hopefully) master within six, short weeks. Why, just one week alone has turned my "teeny-weeny" brain into a pool of grey, liquified mush.
2. As the day goes by, I realized, much to my shock and horror, that I know NOTHING at all with regards to Neuro, ENT and Ophthalmology. *slams own head, which is now chock-full with necrotic debris within the cranial cavity, against a brick-wall* I shall not elaborate further on the above statement, other than citing this quote from Dr. Alex Holmes' HP lecture, as it best illustrates my current train of thoughts:
"Education is the path from cocky ignorance to miserable uncertainty..."
-Mark Twain-
3. To those who knew me well, you do realize by now that I'm extremely reserved, talk very little, and would rather stray AWAY from the limelight and blend in the shadows. The thing with clinical school is....everyone IS put on the spot from time to time, and that includes yours truly.
Physical examinations are much harder to conduct under the scrutiny of your professors/doctors and medical colleagues, in clinical settings with REAL patients.
Long-case presentations are easier said than done.
Q & A sessions during tutorials have become more of a struggle for me as I take longer than most to comprehend what was going on, what was being asked and said.
The "flight of ideas" I've witnessed in my numerous tutorials just this week alone TERRIFIES me. I wonder if I could ever catch up with them.
My brain-waves, in short, are not in sync with others, and I (somehow) cannot think as critically as before. T_T
4. When being placed in the spotlight, my mind often goes blank and I tend to stumble with words. In the worst case scenario, I broke into cold sweats, my heart raced, my head throbbed and I had tremendous palpitations! (-_-)
It did happen, and let me tell you that it was extremely unpleasant.
I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO DIE ON THE SPOT OK!!!
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It's funny actually, when you think that someone with such an introverted personality like me could wind up in a course which keeps people on their toes (and inevitably in the limelight) all the time.
*laughs bitterly*
There certainly were times when I wonder whether medicine is the right choice for me, albeit occasionally.
Nowadays, my mind wanders to "What if...." questions more frequently than I would have liked.
.....which is worrying, and frickingly annoying. (><")
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Ah, screw my now rock-bottom self-esteem and negative mentality.
I'll get over it.
Hopefully.
And it better be fast.
Labels: Medicine/Hospitals/Medics, Random thoughts
