27 more days before my first major exam in Melbourne....and we've got to cover a crap-load of microbiology and immunology, a large portion of which being research-based and oh-not-so- clinically relevant. Being bombarded with molecular oncology in the last two days isn't helping at all either. Granted p53 mutation is a very common attribute to various cancers, and this makes all the more reason for us to be aware of. Nevertheless, do we really need to know that p53 is regulated by MDM2, which in turn is inhibited by p14ARF....and that p53 controls regulation of p21, which in turn regulates Rb phosphorylation in the E2F/DP1/Rb complex formation, along with another CDKI known as p14ARF.....yadayadayada. Very "sien" of studying already la.

My only consolation? This situation isn't so bad, in comparison to what a few of my medic friends are currently doing. Makes me wonder at times - how did they manage to pull through, juggling between ward rounds, night shifts, clinical presentations, research papers, written assignments, nasty consultants, horrible OSCEs and all? *salutes*


SO PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER, WOMAN!!! ><"


On a lighter note, was delighted to receive birthday wishes from many people this year - family members, fellow M104s, M204s and M107s of IMU, UPM medics whom I've met during my brief hospital attachment at HKL last year, fellow Trinitarians, my old schoolmates....and even from a portion whom (I thought) I've lost contact with! XD


I thank you all - for the birthday greetings, heartfelt e-mails and offline messages, surprise telephone calls, those lovely birthday comments you placed on my friendster account, and for taking the trouble to come all the way from the suburbs to celebrate the occasion. =)


Aha, and speaking of "surprise" birthday parties.....


Ganesh, Chun Peng, Wen Hao, Darren, Kai Sin, Chung Yew, Wee jie, Matt and Kang Meng also took the trouble to hold a mini birthday celebration. Was seriously touched by their gesture, even though a mix-up led them to think I was born on 28th April instead, and so held that little party two weeks before my actual birthday!! lol. Being a person who is not caught by surprise so often, that was obviously one occasion I did not expect. =P


I still LMAO whenever I think of it. ^^

It never occured to me.


How difficult it would be, learning something you could clearly identify with, grappling issues you have experienced before.


How painful it was, when others highlighted subjects on cancer, death and bereavement, while one's mind raced back into the past.


How akward it became, when my voice started to break, when I could hardly complete sentences, when tears welled...


How foolish and angry I felt, when this was all happening during my HP tutorial, at a time and place where no one really knew what happened to my grandmother.


Stupid stupid girl. This might not happen if you've kept things to yourself.


How I fervently wished time and again that class would end sooner, so I could flee.


How emotional and helpless I became at the end of it all, despite thinking I've gotten over it.


How touched I was when Aisyah and Charlotte tried to help.


How shocked I was when Brett (HP tutor) apologized after class.



And I thought I could share some of my experiences with them....on coping with cancer, on challenges my family faced.

It still hurts, deep down inside.


I guess I'm not ready yet.



If only....