Greetings M104!!! The following is a forwarded Friendster message from our very own batchrep Johan. It's about the EOS-5 format. I realized that a number of friends I know seldom access Friendster, so I've taken the liberty to paste the (original) message here! lol! Read carefully ya. Take care!!! =)

MSG:

U know, if i had a penny for every sms i have to
reply about the format of EOS-5, i would
have...err...how much is a penny anyway...?

EOS-5.

6 problem case question. Total 300 marks.

Thats 50 marks per question.

We have 10 systems (not counting in Foundation2).

Each system will have 25 marks allocated to it.

Huh, but that should add up to 250 marks only
wor? Enter second sms reply and a very sore
thumb...

1 system is gonna get 50 marks allocated to it.

Foundation 1 is NOT coming out, if it does
anyway, its gonna be so simple that if u cant
answer it, i wont be goin to u for my prostate
problems in the near future...

Focus more on patho and clinical, cuz its
PROBLEM CASES. Of course, u cant leave out
ur anatomy, physiology, pharmacology,
behavioural sciences, epidemiology, comm med
etc.

Apparently u can forget embryology, but heck, we
wouldnt want to take risks eh?

And no, i dont have past year questions with me. I
din use em back in EOS-3, and im not using them
in EOS-5. Where is ur medical ethics lah? Did
Hippocrates say u should use past year questions
in the pursuit of medicine? Shame on u. U have
shamed the likes of Apollo, Menes, Aeusculipius
(god knows how u spell his name), Osler,
Harrison, Gray, Talley, MacLeod, HtinAung,
TimothySoong, FrancisAchike etc.

OPSE only come out sem4 and sem5.

OSCE come out EVERYTHING.

There, now me dun have to keep walkin to 7-
Eleven to reload me phone, and can now save up
more money to buy me a spankin new OHCM.

And me no need to suffer from "SMS Thumb
Fatigue Syndrome", occupational hazard hor...

-Johan-
Assistant Batch Rep (retired)

ps. Gambate to all M1/04s who are experiencing
the PURE HELL of pre-EOS study madness.
bANZAi !!!

The Partner Medical School Matching List was finally released on Friday, and....

...words just cannot described how I felt when I saw "The University of Melbourne, Australia" printed on my slip. And after all this while when I wanted to return, it's like a dream come true....

Now all I need to do is to (at least) pass my End-Of-Semester (EOS) 5 exams in July. ><"

Sigh. 29 more days....man, I've got to hit the books. Pronto.

Wah!! Just barely posted up the last entry, and I found another joke...this time on medical record blunders! Freakin' hilarious, so must share with you guys! heheheh. =P

Apparently they are true records... (-_-")

Blunders galore:

1. The skin was moist and dry.
2. Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid. (Long fingers?)
3. The patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
4. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until 1989 when she got a divorce.
5. Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant. (-_-)
6. The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed.
7. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
8. The baby was delivered, the cord clamped and cut, and handed to the pediatrician, who breathed and cried immediately.
9. Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
10. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
11. The patient lives at home with his mother, father, and pet turtle, who is presently enrolled in day care three times a week.
12. Bleeding started in the rectal area and continued all the way to Los Angeles.
13. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation. (Excuse me, what are you doing with that pen-torch?)
14. She is numb from her toes down.
15. Exam of genitalia was completely negative except for the right foot. (Anatomy review time!) 16. While in the emergency room, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.
17. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stockbroker instead. (An empowered patient.)
18. The patient suffers from occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.
19. Coming from Detroit, this man has no children.
20. Examination reveals a well-developed male lying in bed with his family in no distress.
21. Patient was alert and unresponsive.
22. When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.
23. We will follow her eyes and nose with a foley catheter.
24. By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling better.
25. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
26. On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it had completely disappeared.
27. The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1983. (Bwahahahah!!!!)
28. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
29. Discharge status: Alive but without permission.
30. Healthy-appearing decrepit sixty-nine-year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
31. The patient refused an autopsy.
32. The patient expired on the floor uneventfully. (*swt*)
33. Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.
34. The patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant, with only a forty-pound weight gain in the past three days.
35. She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December.
36. The patient had a rash over his truck.
37. Dictation blunder: lasar radar response (as opposed to vagovagal response).

De-stress time!!! Just a couple of jokes and pics (that I've ripped from a few sources) to brighten up my Sem 5 friends. Hopefully this helps. A little. Hehehehehe.....

Jokes

1. You know it's time to diet when...

a. You dance and it makes the band skip.
b. You are diagnosed with the flesh-eating virus, and the doctor gives you 22 more years to live.
c. You put mayonnaise on an aspirin.
d. You go to the zoo and the elephants throw you peanuts.
e. Your driver's license says, "Picture continued on other side."
f. You ran away and they had to use all four sides of the milk carton for your picture.
g. You learn you were born with a silver shovel in your mouth.
h. You could sell shade.
i. Your blood type is Ragu.

2. The evolution of Medicine:

I have a headache ...

2000 BC - Eat this root.
1000 AD - That root is infected. Say this prayer.
1850 AD - That prayer is superstition. Drink this potion.
1940 AD - That potion is snake oil. Swallow this pill.
1985 AD - That pill is ineffective. Take this antibiotic.
2000 AD - That antibiotic is artificial. Eat this root.

(-_-")

3. Dental Joke

Dentist begging the patient: Could you help me? Could you give out a few of your loudest, most painful screams?
Patient: Why? Doc, it isn't all that bad this time.
Dentist: There are so many people in the waiting room right now and I don't want to miss the 4 o'clock cricket game....

4. Prescriptive compliance:

A woman in Arkansas brought her baby in to see the doctor, and he determined right away the baby had an ear ache.

He wrote a prescription for ear drops. In the directions he wrote, "Put two drops in right ear every four hours" and he abbreviated "right" as an R with a circle around it.

Several days passed, and the woman returned with her baby, complaining that the baby still had an earache, and his little behind was getting really greasy with all those drops of oil.

The doctor looked at the bottle of ear drops and sure enough, the pharmacist had typed the following instructions on the label: "Put two drops in R ear every four hours."

Picture jokes