Cropped this from an article circulating around my Friendster network. Thought of letting you guys take a look because this is one of the more hilarious articles I have read in recent weeks (yup, life's a tad boring at the mo). "So why put it up here, and not posting it on Friendster?", you might ask. Two reasons: 1. It exceeded the 4000-character-bulletin- post allocation. And I still wonder how some of my friends managed to post it as a whole! 2. Some of you guys may not have Friendster, and out of those who have an account, many hardly check their bulletin post!
Quite an interesting perspective, and seriously funny, though outrageously exaggerated...heheh. A pity the writer's anonymous.... [Btw, this is JUST for laughs, okay? No offence to anyone out there!]

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My mother was a fanatic about public bathrooms. When I was a little girl, she'd take me into the stall, teach me to wad up toilet paper and wipe theseat. Then, she'd carefully lay strips of toilet paper to cover the seat.Finally, she'd instruct, "Never, NEVER sit on a public toilet seat.

Then she'd demonstrate "The Stance," which consisted of balancing overthe toilet in a sitting position without actually letting any of yourflesh make contact with the toilet seat. By this time, I'd have wet downmy leg and we'd have to go home to change my clothes. That was a long time ago.

Even now, in my more "mature years, "The Stance" is excruciatinglydifficult to maintain, especially when one's bladder is full.When you have to "go" in a public bathroom, you usually find a line of women that makes you think there's a half-price sale on Nelly's underwear in there. So, you wait and smile politely at all the other ladies, who are also crossing their legs and smiling politely. You get closer and check for feet under the stall doors. Every one is occupied.

Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the womanleaving the stall. You get in to find the door won't latch. It doesn'tmatter. The dispenser for the new fangled "seat covers" (invented by someone's Mum, no doubt) is handy, but empty. You would hang your purseon the door hook if there were one but there isn't so you carefully butquickly hang it around your neck (mum would turn over in her grave if youput it on the FLOOR!), yank down your pants, and assume "The Stance."

Ahhhh, relief. More relief. But then your thighs begin to shake. You'd love to sit down but you certainly hadn't taken time to wipe the seat orlay toilet paper on it, so you hold "The Stance" as your thighs experience a quake that would register an eight on the Richter scale.

To take your mind off your trembling thighs, you reach for what you discover to be the empty toilet paper dispenser. In your mind, you can hear your mother's voice saying, "Honey, if you had tried to clean the seat, you would have KNOWN there was no toilet paper!"

Your thighs shake more.You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday - theone that's still in your purse. That would have to do. You crumple it in the puffiest way possible. It is still smaller than our thumbnail....(hmmm)

Someone pushes open your stall door because the latch doesn't work.The door hits your purse, which is hanging around your neck in front ofyour chest, and you and your purse topple backward against the tank ofthe toilet.

"Occupied!" you scream, as you reach for the door, dropping yourprecious ,tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle, and sliding down, directly onto the insidious toilet seat. You bolt up; knowing all too well thatit's too late. Your bare bottom has made contact with every imaginablegerm and life form on the uncovered seat because YOU never laid downtoilet paper - not that there was any, even if you had taken time to try.You know that your mother would be utterly ashamed of you if she knew,because you're certain that her bare bottom never touched a public toiletseat because,frankly, dear, "You just don't KNOW what kind of diseases you could get."

By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so confused that it flushes, sending up a stream of water akin to a fountain that suddenly sucks everything down with such force that you grab onto the toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged off to China. At that point, you give up.

You're soaked by the splashing water.You're exhausted. You try to wipe with a gum wrapper you found in your pocket, and then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks. You can't figure out how to operate the taps with the automatic sensors, so you wipe your hands with spit and a dry paper towel and walk past a line of women, still waiting,cross-legged and, at this point, no longer able to smile politely.

One kind soul at the very end of the line points out that you are trailing a piece of toilet paper on your shoe as long as the Mississippi River! (Where was it when you NEEDED it??) You yank the paper from your shoe, plunk it the woman's hand and tell her warmly, "Here, you just might need this."

As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has since entered, used and exited the men's restroom and read a copy of War and Peace while waiting for you.Annoyed, he asks, "What took you so long, and why is your purse hanging around your neck?"

This is dedicated to women everywhere who have ever had to deal with a public restroom (rest??? you've got to be kidding!!).It might finally explain to the men what really does take us so long. It also answers their other commonly asked question about why women go to the restroom in pairs. It's so the other woman can hold the door and hand you Kleenex under the door